Most people who come to therapy carrying shame about their sexuality have, at some point, wondered what is wrong with them. The answer, in almost every case, is nothing. What they are carrying is not evidence of something broken, but the accumulated weight of messages absorbed from family, culture, and a broader world that has historically had a great deal to say about which desires are acceptable and which are not. Where sexual shame comes from Sexual shame is rarely somethi

There is a particular kind of loneliness that can settle into a relationship when one partner wants more sex, or different sex, than the other. It rarely gets talked about directly, even in therapy, even between people who love each other and communicate well about almost everything else. This is desire discrepancy, and it is one of the most common issues couples bring to therapy. You are not unusual, and you are not failing. What desire discrepancy actually means Desire disc

You know that sting when someone is short with you, or doesn't reply, or you sense a shift in the room? For most people it is uncomfortable but manageable. For many people with ADHD, it can feel catastrophic: a wave of pain or shame that is completely disproportionate to what most would consider a minor social event. This is rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, and it is one of the most significant and least understood aspects of the ADHD experience. What is RSD? Rejection

If you are neurodivergent, you may have spent years becoming very good at something that has no name in most people's lives: performing normality. Watching how other people behave, then calibrating your responses so that you appear to fit in. This is called masking, and while it can be a genuinely useful survival skill, it comes with a cost that is rarely talked about honestly. What masking actually is Masking refers to the way many autistic and ADHD people, and those with ot

Have you ever found yourself completely consumed by thoughts of another person? Not just enjoying someone's company or hoping a relationship might go somewhere, but thinking about them almost constantly, replaying conversations, and feeling your whole mood shift depending on whether they noticed you that day. If that sounds familiar, there is a word for what you experienced. It is called limerence. What is limerence? The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1

Have you ever wondered why the same social situation that feels energising to one person leaves another completely depleted? Or why certain environments, like a busy open-plan office or a difficult conversation, seem to cost some people so much more than others? Part of the answer may lie less in personality or willpower and more in something more fundamental: the state of the nervous system. What is polyvagal theory? Developed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges, polyvagal theo

There is a particular kind of grief that doesn't get much space in the conversations around trans experience. Not the grief of loss that others can see and name, but something quieter and harder to hold: the grief of wanting something for yourself that you cannot have, or cannot have yet. This is not a grief that comes with condolence cards. There is no ritual for it. And because it sits alongside an identity that is already so often contested and debated, many trans people f

We live in a culture that talks endlessly about happiness. Get the right job and the right relationship into place, and the feeling will follow. And yet, for many people, the feeling doesn't follow. Or it arrives briefly and then slips away, leaving something harder to name underneath. Writer and researcher Emily Esfahani Smith spent years exploring why. Drawing on psychology and philosophy alongside interviews with hundreds of people, what she found is that happiness and mea

A parent's hand gently holding a baby's hand, representing what is passed down between generations, both the love and the unspoken weight. Have you ever noticed yourself reacting to something in a way that feels bigger than the moment? Or perhaps you carry an anxiety you can't quite name, one that doesn't seem to belong to any single event in your own life? You might be carrying something that was never originally yours to carry. Generational trauma, sometimes called intergen

red abstract shapes layered over one another, representing the idea of red flags as subjective and open to interpretation rather than fixed. We've all heard about red flags. Dating culture is full of them. A quick scroll through social media will offer you a near-endless checklist: the way someone texts, how quickly they introduce you to their friends, whether they still follow their ex online. Flag this. Avoid that. But here's a question worth sitting with: whose red flags a

A wooden star-shaped puzzle with interlocking pieces, representing the idea of a brain or mind that fits together differently. There's a particular kind of relief that comes from being in a room, or on a call, with someone who doesn't need you to mask. Who isn't quietly waiting for you to communicate in a way that feels easier for them. Who understands, without a lengthy explanation, why certain things feel impossibly hard while others that seem simple to everyone else come n

An overloaded car packed full of belongings, representing the idea of asking one relationship to carry more weight than it can hold - are we asking too much? There's a particular kind of loneliness that settles into a relationship: the loneliness of feeling unseen by the one person who's supposed to know you best. It's one of the most painful experiences a couple can have, and it's becoming increasingly common. But why? Many of the couples I work with are committed, caring, a

Diverse group of people smiling Most of us were never taught how to talk about desire. We were taught, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, strict relationship structures and that wanting someone outside of our relationship was something to hide, feel ashamed of, or simply ignore. But what if the conversation itself — however uncomfortable — could actually bring you closer to your partner? Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an umbrella term for relationship structures where all partn

diverse group of people holding hands If you've ever sat in a therapist's room and felt like you had to explain yourself before you could even begin — justify who you are, translate your experience, soften the edges of your identity to make it easier for someone else to hold — you'll know how exhausting that is. And how much it gets in the way of the actual work. Inclusive counselling starts from a different place. It begins with the assumption that you are the expert on your

If you are a trans person in the UK right now, you may be carrying something that is hard to put into words. A heaviness. A sense of the ground having shifted. Perhaps a feeling that a debate about who you are has been happening at full volume in spaces where your voice was barely present. That is not a small thing to live with. And it deserves to be named. What Has Happened On 16 April 2025, the UK Supreme Court ruled unanimously that under the Equality Act 2010, the terms "

Emotional unavailability is a phrase we often hear in therapy rooms, on social media, and in conversations about relationships. Yet many people aren’t fully sure what it means — or why it happens. Emotional unavailability isn’t about being cold, uncaring, or incapable of love. More often, it’s a form of protection. It develops from lived experiences, attachment patterns, cultural expectations, neurodivergence, or past relational wounds. And while it can create distance in rel

Loneliness Isn’t About Being Alone — It’s About Feeling Unseen Many people I work with describe feeling disconnected even when their lives are full of people. You can attend social events, work in a busy environment, live with family or a partner — and still feel utterly alone. This isn’t a personal failing. Loneliness is a growing public health concern across the UK, affecting people of all ages, identities and backgrounds. Why Is Loneliness Increasing? There are many reason

Modern Relationships, Modern Ruptures Trust has always been central to relationships, but the digital landscape adds layers that we have never had to navigate: secret accounts, emotional connections online, late‑night chats, dating apps, and blurred boundaries. Many couples arrive in therapy asking: “Is texting someone else cheating?” “Why does it hurt so much if nothing physical happened?” “Can we recover from this?” Digital betrayal can feel just as painful as physical infi

Why Change Feels So Unsettling Most of us expect to “find ourselves” once - as if identity is a fixed point we arrive at and stay. But identity is not static. It evolves as we grow, experience loss, shift values, explore our sexuality or gender, or break old patterns that once kept us safe. And yet, changing, even in positive ways, can feel profoundly unsettling. You might notice: A sense of being “in between versions” of yourself Old roles or expectations no longer fitting E

As conversations about mental health become more open and accessible, it’s not surprising that many people are turning to AI tools for support. They’re instantly available, non‑judgemental, and free or low-cost. For anyone facing long waiting lists, limited services, or the vulnerability of reaching out to a stranger, these tools can feel like a lifeline. There are meaningful advantages to using AI in wellbeing. But as an integrative therapist and someone who works deeply wi